omg

i ate a cinnamon bun the size of my face today. thats all.

mini candy bars are the devil

havent posted in awhile...i was doing really well. lost about 7lbs last week. thats what happens when i go hardcore on WW/exercise. drops right away. i also find that i cannot eat healthy on mondays. my body still thinks its the weekend...and on thursdays my body also thinks its the weekend, so basically im healthy tuesday and wednesday. WTF?

i hate halloween but love those damn mini candy bars! its hardly anything, right!? today i had 1 small package, and i mean small of m&ms. im staring at the business end of a mini crunch bar as well.

at least i have dodgeball for exercise tonight. what?

The problem with children

I always get Simon enough food to feed a large child, because he is a small child and I want him to grow. Unfortunately, my plan backfires when, not only does he not eat much, but I dont like to "waste" so I eat his meals in addition to my own. I'm building a large child and encorporating it into my adipose tissue.

melts in your mouth and sticks to your hips

my dear friend tina brought in 2 (count 'em) 2 bags of m&ms. one bag of plain and one of peanut. i cannot resist m&ms. but these were extra special. these were halloween colors...there was lime green! awesome! im pretty sure i ate 50. im the worst. not only am i not being good today, im proclaiming it on the blog. hello world! my weakness is m&ms! i have no willpower! to quote tommy boy "my brain is a candy coated shell".

falafel me

i couldnt resist the falafel bar in the cafeteria today. i had 1 whole wheat pita, some hummus, 3 falafel balls, the israeli cucumber salad but avoided the cucumber white sauce stuff. it was fantastic. i was very close to eating the soup i brought too...but instead ate some broccoli slaw. sometimes once i start eating i cant stop. really all i want is more falafel. i cant resist it!!! tonight is dodgeball and im hoping to do a few laps around the court before the game. i say this every week and never do it. ill have to think of the falafel i ate and picture it glued to my butt because thats exactly where its going if i dont get to a gym stat. falafel butt.

windsday (i steal every word i use from layne)

today is one of those days where im convinced walking up a steep hill in the city against harsh wind will substitute for a workout at the gym. can i get some kudos for passing subway and sofis crepes and not eating anything?

Oh dear...

Only two weeks left until I visit the city of light (weights), and I'm pretty sure I've gained 87 pounds. I can't stop eating. I also can't stop being too tired to go to the gym. I'm considering fasting at this point, but that would probably only last an hour or two. Lordamercy.

Perching is perilous right now.

Wish me luck. I think Paul's in for a lot more than he bargained for, in the form of lard.

SFD

I fat because its time for seasonal fattness disorder to take over my life.

Someone please help me.

a crockpot is one serving right?

i made chili in a crockpot tonight for dinner (few different beans, some tomatoes and some soy crumbles)...hot sauce, etc. its almost 930pm and bob isnt home yet. im starving. i made a salad to hold myself over. about 2 hours ago i had some goldfish crackers. im pretty sure im going to eat this entire crockpot of chili if he doesnt get here soon.

a lot of bull

i go to double-t diner for breakfast most sundays with my family after church. i really would love to get a big omelette with cheese and mushrooms and hash browns, but this morning i got 2 egg whites, lettuce/tomato, pita bread and 3 slices of bacon. not too bad.

then i went to a bullroast.

not only is there unlimited pit beef and pit ham and enough bread to send you into a carb coma, but there large platters of rice, red potatoes, string beans, baked ziti, bbq chicken, soup, potato salads, pickles, cheeses, veggies and cakes.

i probably had all of the above. thats okay, because i knew this weekend would be terrible. tomorrow starts a new week and a new path for diet. no more crap enters this body. im going to the gym as well to do 45 on elliptical and then body flow. should be a successful day.

please god dont let it be anyones bday at work...the cake temptation is almost too much to bear.

ye old disaster

today was rennfest. there is no way to avoid the array of wonderful foods. well, there is if you have any bit of willpower...which i dont. i have nothing witty to say about what i ate so ill probably just list it.

this morning started off pretty good. bob and i went for a walk and then for a bite at starbucks. what did i get? the tall, non-fat 2 equal iced caramel macchiato and a spinach/egg white whole wheat wrap. what did i want? a brownie. anyway, i digress.

renn fest was a complete (wonderful disaster). in years past ive been the DD so ive never drank...well this year i could drink so boy did i. i had a few beers (not light), a few ciders (not light), and here we go....

1. a baked potato w/cheese, butter and turkey bbq (i barely shared with bob, he maybe got 3 bites...MAYBE)
2. half of a pretzel
3. piece of a pickle
4. a portion of cookies from the cookies in a cone stand
5. a bite of dirt cake
6. a bite of a scotch egg
7. corn on the cob (no butter)
8. 3 pieces of fried cheese
9. 3 bites of fryed bread with strawberry filling

YIKES.

then around 11 i was hungry again and tried to flush my system with a cup of vegan soup from trader joes and broccoli slaw. probably didnt work.

where does the fat come from?

i think most of my fat intake is from coffee. i dont mean "total fat grams" i mean like actual fat. who likes to think of drinks as calories? i sure dont. coffee is the worst! i need it so badly...but have you ever had coffee without caramel or flavored half and half? its gross! equal used to be a savior, but that apparently will kill us all soon anyway.

ive tried agave nectar in my coffee which is actually pretty good. its expensive which makes me not want to use it all the time. when i have extra cash, i definitely waste it on starbucks and dunkin donuts and 7-11 and well, any place that sells my beloved flavored coffee.

at starbucks i will order a non-fat caramel macchiato with equal. depending on the size, the number of points increases. i can guarantee you i dont count correctly. i know for a fact that a tall is 3 points. im pretty sure i like to pretend that a grande and a tall are the same. other times ill be boring and somewhat conscious and get a nonfat latte...2 points. pros--amazing! cons-$4 for a coffee!!!

at 7-11 i will make my own regular brewed coffee--hazelnut flavor--doing okay so far...until the dreaded coffee bar. they have the international creamers that are amazing...have you had the french vanilla? mixed with hazelnut coffee? you should try it. but only if you promise to measure out 2 tablespoons. wait? who does that in the 7-11? not me. ill pour it in until its a beautiful tan color. so my non-fat coffee just gained some fat. pros-CHEAP, cons--i have no idea what the point values are.

at dunkin donuts i have the added threat of donuts and munchkins. you can have a munchkin for 1 point a piece. who in the hell only eats one munchkin? not me. i can tell you that one day i ate 6. i felt horrible about myself later...but while eating the munchkins? no way, it felt great. if you are someone who doesnt eat munchkins, go away. you have no idea.

anyway, so i think im done with coffee for awhile. i cant drink away my calories. id rather eat them. for mornings where i need a pick-me-up, it may have to be a non-calorie diet coke...or a plain coffee from home.

ive been trying to just down water. we'll see how that goes.

today i had a bagel that bob and i bought from target--4 points (not bad). covered in spray butter and 1 laughing cow cheese (i pretend its cream cheese). 5 points total. lunch consisted of a trader joes rice noodle bowl for 6. pretty good. then some broccoli slaw, some trader joe cookies (all counted out), 90 calorie quakes and some veggies from the cafeteria downstairs. im feeling pretty full (also from water).

now im chewing gum. its the only thing that makes me forget i really want a cheesesteak.

starving...i mean starting over

so just a brief intro before i officially start this blog.

ive struggled with weight my whole life. finally at age 26 i decided id had enough. after my best friends wedding in january of 2008, i started a life-change. i went hard-core on weight watchers and joined a new gym. between 1/08 and 1/09 i lost 60 lbs. lots of things happened in between including meeting my current boyfriend and i gained some of the weight back. i blame eating out and dating. but its fine, the outcome of that situation is worth this. currently, ive gained 10lbs. to a skinny person that doesnt seem like a lot. to someone like me who has worked her butt off to lose weight, those 10lbs are driving me crazy. it has pushed me even further from my goal and actually has motivated me to lose even more. i used to gym every single day and burn at least 500 calories. lately im lucky if that happens just once per week.

im back on track today. ill be gyming everyday when possible and back to counting points. weight watchers is great because it helps me monitor my portions and track food, but what it doesnt allow me to do is talk about food...which is my favorite thing. so thats what this blog is for. ill be talking about food i like, food i miss, food i ate that maybe i shouldnt have...etc. ill also touch on awesome workouts that have helped me.

i dont know who will be reading this...but on a daily basis i refer to myself as "large" or "fat"...i dont have low-self esteem, but i will use those words in this blog. my friends call themselves "big eagles". its how we deal. it isnt meant to harm. i only hate skinny people a little bit. and when i say hate, i dont mean the angry kind of hate. thats enough explanation. enjoy the read.

weight loss short term goal:
10 lbs down by nov 13th

weight loss long term goal:
40 lbs down by next October 2010.

workout goal:
30 min of cardio everyday
50 min yoga at least twice a week